mawm

< 2006-07-31 : the nitty-gritty >

the nitty-gritty 2006-07-31 - 4:20 a.m.

Woke up with a headache. My own fault. Heartburn, too. Need to take better care of myself. Need to begin to take care of myself, that is.

At least I went to bed on time. Still reading The Horse and His Boy, though I think we'll be done with it before much longer. The problem has been reading it at bedtime, when bedtime is later than it ought to be. Then one or two kids always falls asleep instantly, and the other one wants me to keep reading. So the next night, the kid or kids who slept the night before need me to back up and read what they've missed. So it ends up being like that movie Groundhog Day, where we keep reliving the same seven paragraphs over and over and over again.

After we finish this book, I think we'll do either Because of Winn-Dixie or HP and the Half-Blood Prince, which the kids still don't know, though I am loathe to take on such a fat book given our tendency to read in a tidal fashion. Of course, we ought to take on the next Narnia book, though I confess I don't even know which one it is. But I'm ready to read somebody else. I suppose I'll put it to the kids.

Yesterday wasn't such a great day. Duff was hanging around like a bad smell and I lost my temper. It is hard to get over somebody if they won't fucking leave. It'd be one thing if he were actively moving his shit, but he was just messing around on the computer. He has this idea that it would be okay for him to take a couple of months to sift through his belongings while he's hanging around here on the weekends. And it might have worked, if he hadn't insisted on rubbing my nose in Susie-Q's existence quite so energetically. But no.

I told him yesterday that while I am still committed to divorce mediation (instead of angry, expensive litigation), and I don't want to keep him from his kids, I can't be friends with him, either. He's just hurt me too much. When it comes to my friends, I've never been a masochist. If somebody betrays my trust, I'm through with them. It only makes sense to me, but I've learned that not everybody lives that way. My friend Shirl says it's because I'm a Scorpio.

I've lined up some work for the Fall, teaching two English classes for a charter school about 45 minutes away from here. I also pitched a class to our charter school, though I've yet to hear whether it's approved or not. If I have all three classes to teach in a month, it will require massive preparation, yet I can't seem to motivate myself to do everything that needs to be done. Honestly, when I get like this I'd be better off flipping burgers or taking tolls. But the money matters. And even teaching three classes will only bring in about a thousand a month. So clearly I need to be working on my cover letters, but I find the prospect daunting. Just want to watch movies instead. Get through this.

1 popcorn gallery

chocolicity 2006-07-28 - 12:09 a.m.

Last night Duff stayed at his new apartment for the first time. Now tonight the kids are sleeping over. So I am alone, except for the animals, and the longer I stay up the worse it feels. Luckily there is a cure for staying up too late.

I wish I had some chocolate.

In other news, I have comments enabled now. A comment from a real person directly addressing the content of an entry would be a lot like chocolate to me.

Yeah, I should go to bed. My stomach's churning. Sleep is good.

3 popcorn gallery

yeah 2006-07-27 - 10:37 p.m.

It is possible to know that something is coming, to know that it is overdue, for years even, and still be completely unprepared for it.

0 popcorn gallery

short shrift 2006-07-23 - 2:16 a.m.

Million things to say but not enough stamina to say them all. Briefly:

1) I would not be a polyamorist right now for all the money in Paris Hilton's Christmas Club account. I know my friends are saying things to try to lift my spirits, but I am impressed by the profound unanimity on one point. Despite their many differences, my friends, to a one, appear to be "do-right woman, do-right man" people.

2) Despite everything, I catch myself trying to spare his feelings. Noblesse oblige. Sometimes he is trying to do the same, though he doesn't always manage it. Tonight, while we were arguing, I said, "You're going to hate me in the end, because I am going to succeed no matter what you do to me." (Yes, yes, I am the queen of pointless melodrama.) He said he didn't want to hate me. I said, "Yeah, but you will. Because I'm going to do well, no matter what you do to me, no matter how much you hurt me, no matter how much you ruin my life, and you're going to think, 'How come she wouldn't do any of this stuff before?'"

And he said, "Whatever it takes to motivate you..." (which was below the belt, if you ask me).

3) Duff just woke up a few minutes ago from a nightmare in which it was the 4th of July, and bad guys started smashing china (dishes) against a wall, and Jinx went off to investigate but disappeared, but Duff couldn't go after him because a bombshell dropped into his hands and he couldn't let go of it. Finally, I rescued Jinx myself.

To which I replied, "This is some pretty straightforward dream analysis. Couldn't you give me a bit more of a challenge?"

4) My next-door neighbor, whom I suspect of dealing drugs, came to tell me her dog died. "Because of the heat," I said. "It was a hundred and twelve degrees today." She was sobbing and I tried to convey only kindness, though I blame her entirely for the dog's death. The dog was less than a year old and they had taken to leaving it tied out most of the day and night. I wondered whether there had been water available to the dog. The woman seemed not to be aware that animals and people routinely die during heat waves. She walked back to her house and I could hear her tell a friend, "It was a hundred and twelve degrees today. The heat killed my dog."

5) Not least of all, I would like to lead an exercise class for fat people.

0 popcorn gallery

inch x inch 2006-07-05 - 5:17 a.m.

Giving myself a little pat on the back right now . . . because I just finished a letter that I needed to write. Nothing bad, well, not really, but just lots of little factoids to trip over. Enough that I was really dreading it. But like many onerous obligations, once I just sat down and started doing it, inch by inch, step by step, it wasn't so bad. Yay.

0 popcorn gallery