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< 2003-04-19 : being a bear of very little brain >
being a bear of very little brain 2003-04-19 - 4:47 p.m.
Well, I changed the template, which is great, but now none of the entry titles are showing up in my archives. Hmm. Hmmmmmm. Not quite so much fun as an archive with titles intact. I hate to bother the (free) designer with this. Any ideas?
new design 2003-04-19 - 4:23 p.m.
I'm going to change my design. The old one was by poodesigns, but this new one will be by notthatugly. I guess the colors are kinda loud, but hey, so am I. Here, anyway. If anything looks wrong/wacko to you, please do mention it.
nutholder 2003-04-17 - 10:53 p.m.
Mom, did you hear about how back in the early forties, in the Ice Age, when things dried out and there were no ice cubes or coldness, there was an animal called a nutholder, it weighs babies and then it eats them. It weighs babies, and then when three days have passed, they eat their babies. --Jasper
job insecurity 2003-04-10 - 10:11 a.m.
I am so bummy. I hate everything. Crusty bad mood.
Thinking about what I could do. There was that idea about writing children's book reviews and posting them on Amazon. Maybe once I had some clips written up, I could parlay that into a paying gig. The Sisyphean route, but it wouldn't require $$ or change of venue.
Next idea: teach a poetry or Shakespeare class for the charter school. Maybe start with a short seminar, see how it goes. Idea makes me nervous, but I could do it.
Next idea: start up a party pictures business. All digital. Weddings are too nervewracking to start with, but I could do birthday parties and corporate events.
What else?? Well, write a book. Duh. But that never goes anywhere. And I'm feeling VERY VERY insecure about my ideas right now.
Oh, P.S.: I started Concerta three days ago. It is a timed-release version of Ritalin. Took 18mg the first two days and doubled that yesterday, hoping to get more productivity out of the day (well, and also because that's what the doctor said to do). I was more productive, all right, but I also got pretty snarly and unhappy, which is maybe not so good. So I will go back down to 18mg today, which doesn't seem to do much for me but won't make me snarly. I'd try doing half a pill, but I'm not sure they'd be easy to cut in half. They're very small and dense. Who'd have thought I'd come to feel nostalgic for the Adderall.
enticement 2003-04-01 - 2:55 p.m.
I am so-oh-oh-oh sinusy and sleepy and yucch. I am looking at my bed, and my bed is looking at me, and its long, wide, plush and flannel-sheeted field of dreams is almost pornographic enticement. There is a frivolous fantasy novel from the young adult section on top of the bed that I'm just a quarter of the way through, and I'm going to gobble up the rest of it right now. Mmm, luscious.
starbound 2003-03-22 - 12:11 p.m.
Today is Felony's first dance competition. I have to sew a ripped seam in her costume, then do her hair and makeup, including false eyelashes. It promises to be quite an hour, this next. She doesn't perform until 5:30, but she's supposed to be completely made up before we put her in the limo. Er, mini-van.
dead men don't update 2003-03-20 - 9:45 p.m.
Sometimes, a propos of nothing, I think that I should give Stephen or Mike my passwords, in case I die. So they can update my diaries and everyone will feel sorry for me, for dying, instead of thinking I'm a lamer who just stopped updating.
I need to call Mike. I wrote to her and she never wrote me back. Maybe I should be worried.
preparing for war 2003-03-20 - 9:18 a.m.
My Mom comes to me and says, "I was thinking, since we don't really know what to expect, we should buy some charcoal briquets."
I look at her for a long moment.
"In case we lose power," she says.
"Well," I say, "Our grill has a propane tank."
"Yeah," she says, "I was thinking we should fill that up, too."
"So what would we do with the briquets? Dig a fire pit?"
"Oh," she says airily, "we can just get one of those little Hibachis."
religious education 2003-03-16 - 3:09 p.m.
Can barely keep my eyes open.
Went to the U.U. church in Oakland this morning to appease Felony. She wanted to go, but Duff had to be in Castro Valley by noon to play in a Vampire tournament, so we compromised and went to the Oakland service instead of the one in Napa, where we went the first time. He and I sat for an hour in the main church, which is quite lovely, while the girls went away somewhere else for R.E., or "religious education." I know I should say I liked the service but the truth is, I found it excruciating to sit through. I think this is totally a personal problem of mine and not a reflection on them, but there it is. And then when I asked the girls what they did, they told me they ate cereal.
Didn't you do anything else?
"Well, I told them about camping."
Did they ask you any questions?
"They asked us our names, and we told them. And one of the boys, the one with long hair, his nickname is 'Freaky Dude.'"
I am so not going back. Sorry, Fel. I am a bad and cynical parent; I would rather take the risk and dig deep for the deprogrammer later than continue with the earnest torment of pre-emptive action. If only we could just drop them off...
sleepy and weepy 2003-03-16 - 1:51 p.m.
Well, it's like this. I'm sleepy most of the time and weepy the rest of the time. Sometimes I'm sleepy and weepy. I'm thinking about calling the doctor tomorrow to see if I should keep going with this medication or stop.
Strattera and Elizabeth Smart 2003-03-13 - 10:02 a.m.
[I wrote this last night but couldn't post it until this morning because Diaryland was down.]
Well, this won�t be terribly interesting, but I went to see a neurologist and he gave me a prescription for Strattera, and I promised to keep track of how I�m doing on it. So�
Day one: Took the first 40mg capsule around 3 p.m. Forty minutes to an hour later, my scalp began to tingle wildly. This was both annoying and humorous, as I imagined my brain skipping around my cranium shrieking, "WOO HOOOO!! NEW DRUGS!!!!!" Felt fine, alert but not wired, until around 6:40 p.m., when I suddenly felt drowsy. This was the kind of drowsy you get when you�ve been up for two days, and your body is trying to make you sleep in spite of yourself. Which wouldn�t have been so bad if I hadn�t been driving at the time. An hour later, I felt better. Tired, but not narcoleptic.
Day two: Nothing noticeable until early evening, when again I felt that drowsiness come on. Again it backed off a little after a while, but I felt wiped out from then on. The neurologist did warn me about this, but somehow I didn�t imagine it would be one of my side effects.
Day three: Good day, but definitely started to drag by early evening. I often feel tired at night usually, but this feels like a little extra. Or maybe I�m just imagining it because the neurologist mentioned it? I can say this much�I�m writing this at 11:22 p.m., and my eyelids feel heavy and dry, as they have felt for the past three hours. I was almost asleep at nine p.m. But I do that sometimes on a natch.
Sorry to be so boring, but you knew that. My life is high concept, low drama. (I had to read all these screenwriting books to learn that "low concept" means plotzy blockbuster, while "high concept" means a movie with a steep learning curve, or "they stay away in droves." Seems like it ought to be the other way around.) Anyway�I�m not the one teasing the baby hairs on my forearms with a rusty razor blade. That diary�s on the other side of the server, past the snack bar.
Very surprised and glad to hear they found Elizabeth Smart. From now on, I�m thinking the Smarts may want to put some of their considerable wealth toward hiring licensed contractors as opposed to, say, delusional vagrants and felons. I don�t blame them for what happened, of course. But my father always used to tell me, "You get what you pay for," and I have seen evidence to support my theory that any bid that comes in too cheap probably isn�t worth the trouble it�s going to cause you somewhere down the line.
fan letter 2003-03-05 - 8:43 a.m.
I want to write a fan letter to Kiefer Sutherland. But first I have to make sure he's not a Scientologist.
sweet talker 2003-02-27 - 12:01 a.m.
I just volunteered to work on Howard Dean's presidential campaign. Let's see if he can sweet-talk me back to the Democratic Party.
why I could never go into politics, or even debate 2003-02-26 - 1:22 p.m.
God, why do I have to be such a blubbering idiot! There's no way I'm going to be able to call the White House. I got lucky on the Feinstein call, because the woman just cut me off and said, "All I need is your ZIP code."
And I was like, COOL. Because I knew I was on the verge of tears. But then the Boxer guy was really nice, and he was going to let me have my soapbox, but all I could choke out (after explaining who I was and why I was calling) was, "Half the population of Iraq is under 15 years old. And if I say anymore [voice breaking] I'm going to start crying."
It's so embarrassing! When do I get to be a REAL grownup?
talking points 2003-02-26 - 12:59 p.m.
My calls are coming up, in about five minutes, and I have to have my talking points down. I am nervous. I'm afraid I'm going to start crying when I get somebody on the line.
Okay.
* I want my country to stop ignoring international law.
* Allow inspections to work.
* Consider the worst-case scenario.
* Consider the innocent lives that will be lost. Half the population of Iraq is under 15 years old.
two minutes of virtue 2003-02-26 - 12:44 p.m.
Finally, I did something I have been dreading. I called the president of the library club and confessed my check-bouncing sin and desire to make amends. To his answering machine, for which I am profoundly grateful. He is a bit intimidating. But it has been bothering me so much that I have been sort of skulking around the library, afraid to encounter any of the "good" book sale volunteers (that is, the ones who don't bounce their checks). I know it seems silly to get so overwrought about these things, but I do. And I've been in such a funk lately that I needed to do something to lift at least a corner of my funk-shroud.
What I really need to do is make some damn money. I wouldn't be bouncing checks if I had ANY income at all. I hate asking Duff for money all the time. I'm working on a plan to become a children's book reviewer. There's not much else I can do, to be honest. If you think of anything, let me know.
ratings month 2003-02-25 - 10:26 p.m.
I'm really upset and down-hearted about this war stuff and I don't know what to do. I did sign up for the virtual march on Washington, which is tomorrow (better late than never?). But with the TV showing "our" troops already massing over there, it's hard not to get the sense that it's a fait accompli. Pulling back from the brink of war is TV stuff. Doesn't happen in real life.