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Comments:
LA - 2006-08-04 07:50:43
You go on until you don't have to 'make' yourself go on anymore. Until the natural momentum of life takes you along without stupendous effort from you. No, it's not easy or appealing. Nor does it feel worth it at the time. I can't even promise it IS worth it. Worth is relative to the individual. For me, besides the kids, the thing that's making it worth it is curiosity. I'd like to know what life is like in a world of my own choosing. I want to know what it feels like when nobody who is supposed to love me is killing me with pain and loss. If Hell is other people I'm hoping Heaven is living for myself. ~LA
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Melissa - 2006-08-04 11:08:35
I wish I could say something to help. All the things you've described - I've felt them too. My sister begs me to call her when I'm deep in it, but those are the times I just can't, etc. Well, what I think about the tree trunk in the head is: There's just no comparing pain to pain. You have it; you are trying to find a way to function; that is enough. The thing is to find a way to get yourself through. For me, it's about finding the little crutches and aids that will nudge me through without will of my own, until I have it again. That will to keep going. Hey, that joie de vivre, if you must. Until things get better. I have to find a ritual for getting through the day until I can think clearly again, without searing pain. Make plans again. First function, later thrive. It WILL get better. Remember your beauties. That's what I do. That's gotta help you through. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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Alice - 2006-08-04 13:37:22
I'm a wimp and would opt for random, physical pain (like a tree branch through my neck) over intentional, emotional trauma (being betrayed by someone I trusted who was *supposed* to love me) any day of the week. On the upside, if there were a branch in your neck, you'd have, I don't know, a 50% chance of survival. As it is, even though it doesn't feel like it now, the odds are much more in your favor. You have three GORGEOUS children with whom you are setting out on a new adventure. You'll find a new way through life together. You'll have a relationship with them that will be closer and stronger than what you might have had otherwise because they will see you survive... and thrive. And when the time comes that they know the truth of it all, they will admire and respect you for your courage and love you even more. I'm sorry that asshole dealt you this hand. It sucks. He sucks. That horrid homewrecker sucks. But you are better than they are and you will get through these muddied waters and, in the end, be the better, happier person. Bunches of little kids think I know everything, so trust me on this one. :) xo~ Alice
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